Tuesday, 1 April 2014

Day 10

(NB: T is nearly 3 weeks old now, this is my first chance at posting this entry!)
 
Baby T is 10 days old today.
 
As I'm sat here waiting for the midwife to visit, it feels like I've hit a little milestone, for when I had E, Days 9 and 10 were when everything kicked off. Day 9 was spent feeling 'not quite right', calling the midwife who promised me a visit that day. Day 10 was spent in a panic, still waiting for the midwife to visit me, when I became 'properly' ill, and wondering what the hell was going on. My blood loss suddenly increasing, knowing that something was wrong but not knowing what to do when the midwife finally arrived and told me everything was fine. Going to hospital when I decided I was right, something was very wrong and I should trust my instincts. Sitting alone for most of the night. Restless and having to call a midwife each time I bled or went to the toilet. Feeling humiliated and terrified.
 
I almost feel like by writing this I might be jinxing things, as daft as that may sound. This time around there's been no haemorrhage (either at delivery or in the days after), possibly thanks to the steps taken whilst I was in hospital (an injection, abdominal massage and a drip after delivery). As this day has approached, I've felt anxious, wondering what's happening with my body with every ache and pain and whether its to be expected or something different. 
 
I was also struggling at this point with breastfeeding, as detailed in this post. So far, this time, its been a breeze in comparison. The first few days were hit and miss and often painful, in all honesty. My positioning and T's latch were checked and checked but it was still hurting with some of the feeds - it was at this point I spoke to another midwife who told me when it was painful to try moving T's position very slightly as this could make all the difference. And it has.
 
I've been more relaxed and positive in my approach and I've been more assertive about it when dealing with the midwives and health visitor. There's no timescale for continuing and I won't feel bad for topping up with formula as and when I need to, whether that's because I haven't expressed enough for when we're out (I prefer not to breastfeed in front of other people where possible) or for when it feels like I'm all out.

So, all in all, things are going well - long may it continue. 
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