Tuesday, 15 April 2014

Guilt


As I write this, I'm sat at home with T in her swing next to me. We've been up since 5.30am as she has a cold and has been suffering with wind. Its very quiet as E has gone out shopping with her Nanny and Grandad - she saw Nanny putting her coat on and kept saying shoes so Nanny decided to take her with them. 
Its good for E to get out of the house without me but boy did I feel guilty today - because I was so relieved at having some quiet time and not having to worry about how I keep E amused (or as quiet a time as I can have with a poorly 3 week old baby). And that got me thinking, I've been feeling guilty a lot recently:
Feeling like I can't do everything. There's piles of clothes to be washed and ironed and there's tons of cleaning and chores to be done. I like to keep on top of things and hate clutter.
Feeling like I'm not patient enough with E, not helped by the fact that I've been so tired.
Not spending enough quality time with E. 
Feeling tired all the time and lacking energy.
Feeling frustrated with breastfeeding. I want to breastfeed as much as possible (and I am!) but I'm struggling with her wanting to feed all the time whilst loving the closeness.

I know it will all come together but with the lack of sleep and the hormones racing around, crikey its hard going. 



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