Monday, 15 May 2017

I'm not perfect


I snap.

I lack patience.

I cry.

I go quiet when annoyed or erupt with verbal diarrhoea.

I get fed up of being climbed over, prodded and sat on. 

I get annoyed. Full stop.

I'm grumpy when I don't sleep well.  

I sometimes find myself wishing that my girls could both be good at the same time, just so I could enjoy it more.  

My house is dustier and more cluttered than I'd like. 

I'm grumpy if the children start bickering as soon as they come into our room. 

I can't stand the bickering and picking at each. She's playing with this. I want that. T did this. E said that. Some days it feels non stop and all I want to do is cut my ears off. Just for the peace.

I like time to myself.

I swear under my breath as I'm asked for something as soon as I sit down. 

I feel like I'm always rushing around. Getting up in the mornings. Going to school. And nursery. Off to work. The food shop. Whatever it is, it often feels like I'm cramming everything in and sometimes that means rushing my girls along too, which I constantly feel guilty about.

Some days, when it all feels too much I want to run away from it all. Or stay hidden in bed.

I can be very strict, making the girls clean up after themselves or go to the naughty step or bedroom when they are misbehaving. 

I eat their chocolate and hope they've forgotten about it.  

I've been known to tell them food is too spicy for them, just so I don't have to share it.

I look forward to nursery, to time when I can get on whatever needs to be done, whether at home or work. 

Likewise, some days I long for bedtimes.


I'm sarcastic. I often joke about parenting and things the kids have said or done and I don't know that its well received. I refuse to sugar coat things, preferring to say how it is.  



But.

I'm doing my best. I'm not perfect. There's food in the cupboards and meals on the tables.

My children are happy and healthy. They are clean and well dressed. They know right from wrong and when to say please and thank you.  

They are with me, when I'm not at work and they aren't at nursery or school

I give good cuddles. We snuggle on the sofa frequently, watching whatever rubbish is flavour of the week.  

We have our little bedtime routines.  T is in bed first and we go through the same talk each night about how much we love each other.  E is next and we do the same, although along a different tone. 

We have friends over for playdates and dinner.  They go to their friends, we go to the park and they always get to go to school and nursery events and I go too, where parents are needed.

I complain that I need some time to myself and yet, when I get it? I'm clock watching until I can go and collect them both. To have a cuddle and hear about what they've been up to. 

It is me that they want when they wake up in the night, unable to sleep or feeling unwell. It is usually me that they want when they hurt themselves. Or when they want to cuddle on the sofa.  

It is me that drops everything when something needs to be done. 

I'm not perfect. No one is. I'm just a Mum trying to get through the day and do my best. I just hope one day my children will remember their ranty mother as someone who loved them more than life itself and wanted nothing more than for them to be happy and healthy. 


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4 comments

  1. I understand this so much x It is so hard and I don't know how we are doing it. But we are.it is 9 pm and I haven't had my dinner yet.grrr #anythinggoes

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  2. It sounds like you're winning to me!
    Thanks for linking up to #AnythingGoes :)
    Debbie

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  3. Sounds like you're doing a fab job! I think we ALL have thoughts like this!

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  4. Oh yes! I do my best and I love them. But some days are hard and I think it is important to be honest about it. It helps other struggling parents to feel less alone.

    ReplyDelete

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