Waiting for an Operation


Last Tuesday, I was due to have my laparoscopy.  First mentioned when I had my endoscopy, it seems to have taken forever to get to this point so I was pretty upset when they called to tell me all operations for the day had been cancelled.  Luckily, they were able to reschedule me in at the same time for a week later.

So this past week has felt like the longest week in history. I've kept as busy as I can and its actually been a productive one, considering its been half term and we've been juggling playdates, etc.  

But, as it edges closer, I'm starting to feel particularly anxious about it. 

I get quite anxious about not knowing what will happen somewhere, I like to know my routine and what to expect but I still don't know for certain that the op will be taking place when it should. I have to phone the ward an hour before to check that there is a bed available for me.  Having had it cancelled once, this is high on the anxiety list.  

I'm anxious about going through to theatre. I don't remember a huge amount about going to theatre after the haemorrhage, but I do remember laying in the room, being given the anaesthetic and feeling absolutely petrified as the oxygen mask was being put on me.  

I'm anxious in case there are any complications, with haemorrhage being my number one fear and in those moments when its all consuming, incase I don't wake from the anaesthetic.  

I'm anxious in case anything is found and what that might be. 

I'm anxious in case nothing is found and what that may or may not lead to.

I'm anxious at the thought I might be kept in over night, although I keep reminding myself that if that is the case, I should think of it as a break from home.

I'm anxious at the thought of being on a ward with other people.

I'm anxious at the thought of being away from the girls, D and home. 

I'm anxious about recovery and how much time I'll actually get to rest with the girls and D around.

I'm anxious at the thought of it all and yet I really, really want to get it over and done with.  

I think regardless of the operation and whether it is minor or not, there is bound to be a degree of anxiety and trepidation.  The problem with anxiety is that it leads you to overthink everything, regardless of how small or unlikely those things might be. Its just a case of acknowledging my fears and anxieties, admitting they are there and getting on with it.

11 comments

  1. Sending love and hugs.
    I hope the operation goes OK. I think it's normal to worry as it's such a big thing. I would be the same x

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  2. Anticipatory stress. That's all normal. Not necessarily good or worthwhile, but def normal. And from your other post, I see you're recovering so I hope you are feeling better with results that are good. Hang in there, you've done great!@ #TwinklyTuesday

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    1. Thanks for the kind words Lydia, much appreciated.

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  3. Sending positive vibes and I hope the operation runs smoothly and helpful X #twinklytuesday

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  4. I would have felt the same, I know just the thought of not being able to park the car sends me spinning but my anxiety is out of control at the moment. At least you are home now! xx #TwinklyTuesday

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    1. Mine's been pretty horrendous too, always here to chat lovely xx

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  5. Very normal to worry, I hope all goes to plan for you #Twinklytuesday

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  6. If only somebody could take the worry away because it can be exhausting at times. You're right to acknowledge it though because saying it out loud can immediately make you feel better. I hope it has. And I hope it all goes well for you. I can only imagine the immense relief you will be feeling once it is all over and done with and you are tucked up at home #twinklytuesday

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  7. I'm so sorry you're having to go through all this worry and anxiety. I hope it goes well and you are feeling better soon x #DreamTeam

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