Lockdown Journal : 13 March 2020

I'm feeling really stressed an anxious.  I have that horrible feeling in the bottom of my stomach.   I felt much the same yesterday but as I was at home, I cracked on with cleaning and it really helped. Today though, I've been at work, in the office on my own so I've not been able to distract myself with chit chat.

As yet, the schools aren't shut.  Some of the Mums at school are desperate for them to close so that they know the children are safe. The school has written to us to outline what will happen if the school does have to close and also reminding parents of the Government's guidelines and when to stay at home.  

Everything's changing quickly though. Last night the PM made a speech to say that if anyone had any symptoms, no matter how mild, they were to stay at home for 7 days.  Amongst other things he said that schools wouldn't be closing yet.  He also said that many of us will lose loved ones to the virus.  It felt very surreal to be listening to it and it almost felt like something out of a film, as though it isn't real life.  

My anxiety has nearly always been about uncertainties and the what-ifs in life.  So not knowing what will be happening is challenging. We're being told that things are going to get bad but just how bad? This is new territory for all of us.  I remember hearing talk at the time of bird and swine flu but I just don't remember any of it.  I can remember seeing it on the news but I don't remember it being the only news and I certainly don't remember anyone I know worrying about it.

Last night we cancelled T's birthday party. L and I felt bad for doing it but I had been asked a couple of times about it, a couple of Mums said that they wouldn't be bringing their kids and L didn't have many responses to the invites at all.  We just don't know what will happen over the next week, the next steps the PM will take and how many will be infected. How many may have died.

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