Lockdown Journal : 8 April 2020

Obviously, it goes without saying how much I love my girls. But. God, I am desperate for some time alone. For the quiet.  They are driving me totally and utterly potty today.  They are playing outside at the moment, T is running her bike and scooter into anything and everything. She's even managed to snap a bit off her pedal.  And when she's not doing that she's walking and running around, making this really high pitched 'Woooo ha ha ha' noise. 

Neither of them is listening to me and they are both complaining that they are bored. Asking if they can go back to school.  They're in the garden, digging up the soil under the tree - I've found holes in the lawn! I keep going outside, asking them not to dig and what do they keep on doing?!

I can't wait to get back to some sort of normality and routine. I'm a much better mum when I'm not around them all of the time.  And they need to be learning,  I'm just not clever enough!  

There were 936 deaths in the UK yesterday. I have no sufficient words but as awful as it sounds, I just don't see it changing any time soon. Wuhan, where this is all said to have started, has only just come out of lockdown after 72 days and I'm guessing it will be similar here.  If it has to happen, then it has to happen. There's nothing we can do about it and in the grand length of life, what is a few weeks or months?

The real irony is that even if we were allowed out, I probably wouldn't want to go anywhere anyway!  Having said that, it will soon be Easter. We would usually have an Easter egg hunt at my in-laws followed by dinner. We had our passes for Banham Zoo and the local deer park, which we haven't been able to use yet. Who knows when we will be able to make use of them or how much. Banham was in the paper earlier this week to talk about how low their funds were running.

In-laws are off today. I was hoping they might have been doing their food shop so they could collect my prescription but sadly not.  I don't know when I'm going to be able to go and get it at this rate - D is working all day and I have the children with me.

I really need to work on being more positive. I had been doing so well until this happened!  The anxiety has, thankfully, calmed down but I feel it might be a work in progress. 

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